I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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