everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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