I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
