Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
