my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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