I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
