you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
