gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
