my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
