Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
