Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize