hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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