Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
