Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
