Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i love accidental penises.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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