a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
