A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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