official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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