I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
