hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
