I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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