i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
