The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
