told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
