I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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