The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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