he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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