im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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