If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
