Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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