if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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