My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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