I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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