you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
try to milk me bitch
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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