I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
