I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
