Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
