Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
