Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you win again, gameday.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
