So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
