She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
