I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
