Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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