Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You ruined the universe
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
