Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
