i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
