if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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