Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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