I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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