I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
