Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Holy shit dude........stairs
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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