I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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