My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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