he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
what day is it and did you see me today?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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