He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
