Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
