five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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