u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
