The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
