I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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