then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
