My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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