I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
